Work

There's this woman at work who smells like a weird plant. it makes me want to throw up. I hope she doesn't have super powers and is some evil plant lady or something. She's crazy enough just as a middle management lackey.

Wishes

I'd like to wish all my faithful readers a happy and healthy holiday. I will be sepnding the holiday with my family and my family's television. They have cable. And lots of it.

I tried to go Christmas shopping today. At H&M, you know who was ahead of me, Professor Hell. I hate that guy. He had five ties in his hand. He was going to pay for them. The whole time I was like "that can't be Professor Hell, he's waiting in line to pay, he should just be stealing the stuff." I have no idea who he was buying ties for. Probably himself. Greedy bum. I couldn't do anything because I didn't want to blow my identity. I know, I know, it was lame. But was I supposed to do? Say "you're under arrest?" I'm not a cop. Can you belive those guys only make around 35K in NYC? Now, that's a crime.

Christmas in Washington

I'm sitting watching "Christmas in Washington." It's being hosted by Dr Phil. Who is this idiot. I bet he's loaded. i can tell he doesn't feel comfortable with his body. I will hold on to that. I am a super hero. I have muscles and stuff. HA! Take that you charlatan.

The crowd just applauded that Bush was having a second term. That's like the crowd applauding "you all ate bad tuna for lunch."

Oh my god, the music is terrible. Professor Hell could sing better than these people.

I need to make plans for the weekend. A date or something.

Michael McDonald

I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about how Michael McDonlad has more money than I do. he sings bad music. I posses the power lightning and save the world (and have the time I spend saving the world deducted from my temp time sheet).

Michael McDonald is a fat man with a beard. Give me money,

Van

I got hit by a van today. Don't worry I'm fine. But damn. Professor Hell better watch himself.

Professor Hell. My super villains have the worst names. He calls himself that because he claims that he can summon up the underworld and unleash hellfire. If that's the case, what's he doing driving around a damn van? Chump.

I have never been a fan of Michael McDonald's music. I think he's a Republican lackey.

Supper

Check this out. Today I'm just getting up to leave for lunch and I spill coffee all over my new white khakis. Brand new. It made me furious. I starting sparking up a little bit. Like sparks started shooting from my head. Not too bad. But it wasn't very subtle. And everyone's starring at me. Everyone in the stupid office cubicle corner. And stupid Douglas points at me and goes "What the hell?" And I go "Douglas, shut up! I just spilled fuckin' coffee on my new pants."

My boss heard me and we had one of those "i'm concerned about your choice of words in the office" discussions. I was like, you know what. this job don't even pay the bills. It ain't cheap being Kid Lightning. I wish it were but it ain't.

The Human Monster IM'd me all day at work today, telling me what a babe Rock Girl is. He's a sucker for any women with boots and in this business... they ALL wear boots. Even the bad ones. That's what gets me in trouble. I would just go to bed now but my apartment smells like a damn sock.

ugh

It took me an hour to get home from The Human Monster's apartment in Queens. And I just got an instant message from my contact in the NYPD. Some nutcase just... I don't even want to talk about. I have to get my dinky little super hero suit on and go do some charity work.

I hate this job.

Pasta

I got like 6 minutes left on the pasta to bol. Man, my apartment's small. I was in the Lower East Village tonight for social visit (for once!). No mad scientists, no alien invaders, no garbage, just a nice night out.

I didn't make a move though I was too shy. I would have though if I had a little confidence in where I was coming from. I thought about asking her if she wanted to check out my place but couldn't think of a way to ask without sounding sleazy. i was also paranoid about riding the train with her for a hundred blocks, like we'd run out of stuff to talk about. It seemed like there was a 70% chance that we'd have another date.

I was thinking about getting a superhero base, you know a lair. But I don't know how to go about that. I think I need to find an abandonned underground subway station. I'd hate to have to rent office space. Whatever though, anyplace would be better than this dump. If I had a lair I could bring that chick back to it and she'd be all over me because it would be so cool. I bet The Human Monster would go in on a lair with me. He loves that crap.

Just Got Home

I just got home. Really bad day. First it was Fractula. Then when I was walking home I stepped in a thing off dog turd. I zapped it right off my shoe. Some old lady saw it and started screaming about "the Lord." It's just super powers, lady. Just super powers.

I need something warm to eat but am too lazy (and too poor) for take out. At least I can watch some Jeopardy without Ken Jennings ruining it.

Oh great. I just got an IM from my source in the NYPD. Dr. Crook just busted out of Ryker's. I gotta zap out of here. I hope I can catch this fool before Seinfeld.

Lazy

I had to go to the bathroom but I didn't feel like walking. So I zapped myself there. I scared some dude in stall three half to death.

I got payed yesterday. The whole check went to my rent. I moan and moan about my rent but you know what, I refuse to live in Astoria. The Human Monster lives out there. He says he can get anywhere in the city in 15 minutes. But have you ever riden the N train 3 am after spending all day rescuing some babe being dangled over the Empire State Building. No thank you.

The Human Monster's a nice guy and all. But he kind of lives on the cheap. He referred me to a dentist once. Hurt like hell.

I Hate Thursdays

I got an email from my source within the NYPD that Fractula had hijacked an armored car on Broadway. So, naturally I had to use my lunch hour to clean up that mess. I hate Fractula. I hate his love affair with armored cars. I hate his stupid name. I hate him. "Fractula" It's a play on the word "fractal" in case you gave a shit. Mad scientists are the worst. They yap and yap and yap then blow some shit up. And they suck up my lunch hour. I was fifteen minutes late back to work. I had to make up some excuse about leaving my keys at Starbucks. I need to get a new temp agency. They have me at an ad agency making fucking pivot tables. I fucking hate pivot tables.

I was talking to Atomic Girl. She told how much she makes in a year, I almost crapped my pants.

Great my boss, just walked by and saw me typing in my blog. She gave me a look. I gave her a look back. My secret identity's probably blown, but screw it. I only have around $600 in the bank anyway.