The Further Adventures of Kid Lightning

The Trial of Fractula

2007-05-23T08:25:00.001-07:00

Robos Court
Originally uploaded by kidlightning2.

I think i have dandruff. I haven't had this since I was 13. I just brushed my hair and all these little snow flakes showered down. I'm starting to to feel guilty for not dfrinking enough water. I've met other super heroes with dandruff. It's bad. You could rip mount everest out of the Earth with one hand and you're still known as the super hero chump with dandruff.

Speaking of super hero chumps with dandruff, I'm not on Earth right now. I'm on the stupid planet of Robos. You're going to have to bare with me and let me vent. I hate being on Robos and I had little choice in coming here. This planet is stupid as hell but they have (supposedly) one of the finest legal systems in the universe. I can't believe I just typed that. I need to starting playing a sport or something.

Anyway, they're trying one of my least favorite dipshit villains, Fractula for crimes against blah-blah-blah. Anyway, I was sleeping in in my crappy apartment in my cheap rickety loft bed and this lady wearing a toga comes in my room. At first, I was psyched, then I was bummed because she said I had to go to Robos and testify against Fractula. I said "No thanks" and she said "you can bring a small bag with you." So, I crawled down from bed and before I could gather everything I was zapped here.

At least the weather's nice, because they control it here. That seems kind of fascist to me. As does their one world government. Did I type that? Anywho...

I know what you are thinking," Alien Planet? Robos? What the hell are you talking about?" I know people say that chances of another planet with humans existing are slim to nil. I should be so lucky. There are tons of planets with tons of obnoxious demanding people on them. And I'm stuck one on of them.

And as for you second question, "Yes Robos has robots.": Too many if you ask me. ANd they could take it easy on the classical/ancient Greek/whatever you want to call it architecture. The whole place looks like a lame college campus.

And as for your third question: Guiliani would be a terrible President.

Flickr

2007-05-23T08:13:00.001-07:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

When do Super Heroes take the bus?

2007-05-21T06:46:00.000-07:00

When the 1 train runs per usual--all broken like and messed up. I was already late to work then I had to get off at 96th St. and take the damn bus. I know what you're saying, "Can't you just teleport. you're Kid Lightning afterall?!"

Well folks the dirty little secret about super powers is that it's not like typing in commands in a video game, unleashing the "Power Lightning" is a hassle. When it's early in the morning and you're late and you don't have enough money for a damn cup of five dollar crappaccino, you take the bus.

The Human Monster just emailed me and said we have to go take care of some zombies in Connecticut. As if I have the patience. I might just let this one slide. I think my email's having trouble today.

Burrito

2007-05-11T09:04:00.000-07:00

I had a burrito last night for supper. The thing cost $10. What got me was that last week I stopped an interdimensional blob (don't get me started) from demolishing that whole block. There's no article in the paper. No thanks. And now they charge me $10 for a burrito. Organic meat it was supposed to have in it. It had some spice in it that almost made me cry. In a bad way. I was out $10 and I was in pain. I think next time an interdimensioal blob rolls down 9th avenue, I'll see what's going on in Queens.

Oh great, my stupid watch just started beeping for no reason.

No plans this weekend. Maybe I'll go for a walk or something. Decompress.

The Monday Blahs

2006-01-23T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have a total case of the Monday blahs today. Its rainy. My clothes are recycled because I was too lazy to do my laundry yesterday, and nothing really exciting is happening on the IM's.

No to mention a giant hole in time has appeared in my bedroom. As if I didn't have enough of a mess to deal with. I sometimes wonder, would these sci-fi devices like having a hole in time in your bedroom happen to me if I didn't have these lame super powers.

Well, my powers aren't lame. You know what I mean.

So, I have this hole in time in bedroom. All I know is when I go and stand next to my TV tray buffet table time either accelerates, slows down, or goes backward. Hopefully this will help me get out of some kind of jam. If it were more predictable I would have slept in it and gotten a couple extra hours in.

I went on one of those online dates the other night. I'm a little nervous because on her profile she says she doesn't like super heroes.

I think I can handle it though. I once sweet talked a viking ship full of vampires.

The End of an Era

2006-01-04T12:09:00.000-08:00

I wish for once everyone would stop bothering me at work today. I'm so close to hand in my resignation letter. If I do hand in my resignation letter it will read something like this

Dear Sirs,

You are jerks. This job is boring. Smell you guys later.

Sincerely,

Me

PS In case you guys need to be clued in, I'm a super hero and have better things to do.

Dimensions

2005-10-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

I was walking down the street today and a crack opened in the sidewalk and sucked me into another dimension. Needless to say, my boss was none to pleased when I showed up fifteen minutes late.

Sorry

2005-10-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Things have been absolutely NUTS at work. And there's this federal agent with super powers like watching me all the time. He has the power where he can appear behind any door. It's weird and so is he. I think he's trying to get me to work for the Pentagon. I'm not interested. You see what those people make? Exactly. I'll make that and keep my temp job and a private life, thank you.

The word on the street is that federal super heroes have it the worst and if they quit, they're immediately suspected of super villainy. A real bad deal.

I just spilled ketchup on my pants. My nice pants. My $50 pants. Damn it. I am so angry right now. This means I have to do laundry tonight. After I return the time Crystal to the secret time lair. That'll take three hours.

I hate this crap.

The Radio

2005-07-28T06:33:00.000-07:00

My tv broke. I can't stop listening to NPR. I think i've listened to the BBC too much. I dreamed all night of people saying "pro-cess."

There's this new super villain on the streets. Tie Guy, he calls himself. His deal is that he claims to have a time machine.

I hate time machines. They're such a pain and they give me a headache trying to figure everything out. Why does he call himself Tie Guy. It doesn't make any sense.

What happened to the idiots who just try to rob a bank? Where are those idiots? The easy crap. That's what I'm talking about.

I need to get a job.

My New Desk

2005-07-26T23:49:00.000-07:00

My new desk is made out of pressboard. I got it for $40. It doesn't look very austere. I feel kind of depressed that I conduct my affairs on a pressboard table I put together with a plastic allan wrench.

Crisis

2005-06-04T06:52:00.000-07:00

I am having a crisis today. I forgot to put my rent check in the mail. It will get to the powers that be eventually. I shouldn't worry about it. I can't even find my checkbook. Who writes checks anymore.

My friend, The Human Monster still orders from catalogues by mail. You should see his secret cave though. It looks real nice. It has two bathrooms and is always around 50 degrees.

I'm so close to just qutting my job

2005-05-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

I've got good news and bad news, folks. The giid news is I actually enjoyed my weekend. There were no idiots causing mayhem and no flying saucers bruning holes in the coastline so I got to sleep in for a change and even enjoyed the Monday off. That bad news is I have to go back to work tomorrow and sit a desk and stew in some more "what am I doing with my life" sentiment. A word of advice to you high school types: don't plan on being a super hero, go to journalism school or something.

Friday

2005-05-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

It's Friday. Thank goodness. I spent all last night looking for my keys. What a waste of time. I finally found them in my Kid Lightning Belt. I need to polish that thing. Why do I need a costume anyway? It's just me showing off. What do I have to show off? My apathy.

Ice Fortress

2005-05-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

Professor Hell sent me an email that he just built an Ice Fortress and that I should "prepare to die!" That makes no sense. Big deal, some idiot has an ice fortress. I hope he stays in it and never comes out.

Prepare to die? How's an ice fortress going to kill me? Hypothermia? What a clown. And how did he get my email address?

In other news, I'm thinking about getting a digital camera. Possibly through amazon so I don't have to pay tax.

The Return

2005-05-23T11:27:00.000-07:00

I finally got my powers back to their full, ready to go potential. So, of course on my lunch break a biug ugly flying saucer starts zipping above the New York skyline shooting these heat rays at the Brooklyn Bridge. I of course work on the Upper West Side, so in terms of getting their in back, my whole lunch hour was completely sucked dry. And not to mention the pollen today is terrible. I zapped the flying saucer and it wobbled and took off, kind of anti-climactic. Who cares? The real crime is that I'm back behind the desk knowing that I just saved the city tons of money, not to mention nasty insurance companies, and I still go back to making under $500 a week. Are headaches part of allergies or is that reason spinning around my head trying to get out?

If I was one of those detective super heroes, I'd be all curious where that flying saucer came from. But I could really give two craps. I'm not one of those detective heroes. I'm one of those desk jobs, could give two craps heroes.

I need to make some weekend plans.

Aw nuts, my secret source at the NYPD just IM'd me again. Professor Hell jumped bail. I can't stand that guy. I'm getting an itch on my back. I want to slap him. Why do they grant supervillains bail to begin with? Who made these rules?

Jimmy Fallon

2005-03-22T10:43:00.000-08:00

I met Jimmy Fallon today. Nice guy. Turns out he's got a couple super powers. They aren't a secret, he just doesn't talk about them unless he's asked.

Lately I've been craving a lot of fruit punch. I still am without powers. But I've been catching up on my movies.

My Pants

2005-03-14T10:56:00.000-08:00

I was on the phone at work and eventually the phone conversation turned into chit chat with the boss. And as I was chit chatting I was kind of playing with the pen I was holding. After I put the phone down I realized I had written all over my khakis. They were nice khakis too. I hate this job. The only thing good in the vending machine is poundcake and I refuse to buy poundcake from a vending machine. I refuse. I think I need to remeasure my neck size. I've been ignoring the fact that it's not as big as I thought it was.

My source at the police department just IM'd me. Some big Octopus is walking down Madison Avenue. I'm glad my super powers aren't working. I don't know what I would do about that. I magine little old me trying to coax a giant octopus back in the water. What would I do ask him to stay off of Madison Avenue? I don't like dealing with big monsters because everyone expects them to be killed and I'm not into that.

It would be nice to get out of the office though.

Trouble

2005-03-14T06:01:00.000-08:00

My powers don't seem to be working. I went to a therapist for super heroes. I think I would have been better off if I threw $240 down the toilet and flushed. At least I wouldn't have been subjected to bad breath and boring magazines in the waiting room. The Human Monster said the same thing happened to him, but I swear he's just trying to make me feel better.

I've got to get my powers back. i've got to snap together. I've got to get a temp job that has health insurance.

Saturday Night

2005-02-12T21:45:00.000-08:00

Oh man, I am glad to be home> I had to go to Canada for a week. There was a conference. A secret super hero conference. We talked about secret identities and stuff. I felt like I was in organized crime or something. Then it turned out that Professor Hell had organized the whole thing to try to get us. Needless to say Professor Hell's plan backfired and he's in jail and I'm back in New York.

Stupid Professor Hell. That dude totally had me going. I can't believe how much money I spent at that damn trip.

Yes!

2005-01-29T06:36:00.000-08:00

I just slashed Professor Hell's tires on his van! It fel so good. Don't worry, he's not here. It was just his cat. Damn thing's ugly. But very affectionate. Maybe I'll take him home or something. You know I bet he's somebody. professor hell once turned Mayor Bloomberg into a Crow. I had spend all night convincing Professor Hell to turn him back. Bloomberg didn't do as much as offer me a hello.

You knwo they really shouldn't build that sstadium on the West Side. Queens would be a lot better. Why does everything need to be in Manhattan?

Great, I just spilled a SlimFast all over my pants. Dear Lord.

The Weekend

2005-01-29T06:24:00.000-08:00

I'm typing this from Professor Hell's secret lair. And that fact alone really pisses me off. I should be lounging around, eating junior mints, and watching those Netflix DVDs that have been laying around for the past two months. But no, I couldn't get the idea out of my head to break into Professor Hell's Lair and steal his secret book. I think I'm still pissed at him for hitting me with that van. But deep down inside I know it was an accident. listen to me. I'm a lunatic. A lunatic with all sorts of crazy super powers. That can't be good. Maybe I should go see a therapist or something.

Am I addicted to blog writing? look at this! I should be keeping a low profile and hiding in Professor Hell's secret lair. How do you erase the history on explorer. You should see the monitor on this computer. Huge! This place is really nice--which also pisses me off because Professor Hell is such a doof. Such a doof. I listened to his answering machine and someone was making plans for him to hit Vegas this wekend so I'm pretty sure he won't be here anytime soon and Vegas has its own super heroes.

Oh crap, I just heard something. What was that? Oh crap! Oh crap!

Sidekick

2005-01-18T20:47:00.000-08:00

DO i really need a sidekick? i just don't see myself on the intenet that much but they look really cool.

Sneeze

2005-01-17T08:28:00.000-08:00

I just sneezed something awful. I sneezed and all of a sudden my sinuses are packed up. This stinks.

I just woke up. I heard pounding on someone's door down the hall and was all afraid that the landlord was coming to install a CO detector or something. I panicked because I had fallen asleep in my Kid Lightning costume. That would totally be the end of me. i almost went to the door in costume to see what was happening. that would have been awful. Actually, he probably wou;d have just thought I was some type of freak and kick e out of the building. My costume is looking rough. I need a couple patches. I might have gone up a size too. I hope not. Today i will do crunches.

I hope I'm not sick. I've had a slight cough for a couple weeks now. The last time I ran into Professor Hell he mumbled something about giving me a curse of sickness. but that fool can't do anything right, except slip through my butterfingers. Man, i hate that guy. He always does just enough damage just to get on my nerves.

I was reading some of this blog and realized that when I started out I used asome rough language. I'm trying to keep it clean. I don't usually talk too dirty. Sometimes. I swore at the police commisioner once, under my breath because he called me a a little boy. I'm 27.

My nose is running all over the place.

I had this weird dream last night. The Earth was ravaged by these alien space ships. Buildings were upturned. The sky was smokey orange-brown. And me and The Human monster were on top of a mountain holding these flags. Humanity's last hope. Maybe I'll write a screenplay about it.

I have the day off today. i don't know what I am going to do. Maybe I'll go check out a movie. I hear "Closer" is a real tear jerker. I'm kind of in the mood for that. Do any women read my blog by the way. I se I'm starting to get comments from dudes. It's nice that people are reading my blog, but it'd be nicer if some ladies were as well.

Sunday

2005-01-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday. Here I am. I just woke up. The Human Monster and I got a fne last night for falling asleep on the subway. I was beat. We both were. We spent all night finding this kid who stole this thing that would have blown up the city. i don't even know what it was. Someone explained it to me but I didn't follow all the way. A lot of people assume that super heroes, such as myself and The Human Monster, have a Ph.D. in Physics and Chemistry. I don't. I'm more of a Biology guy, but even there I got Cs.

It really unnerces me when someone is explaining the threat that so and so mad scientist presents and then launches into a lecture about reverse rotating electrons. I have no idea what's going on.

My socks smell. They smell like the subway. I'm glad I don't live in Queens like the Hman monster. he lives above his landlady. She goes through his garbage to make sure he recycles. You believe that crap? I live in a building. If the landlord found a can in the garbage he wouldn't know who did it. But the Human monster, if he does that he gets a moutful. Maybe if his landlady knew all the good things he does she'd pay him a little more repsect. She walked into his apartment one sunday morning, said she had to change the battery in the smoke detector. he was laying in the bed with his girlfriend at the time. All three of them were embarassed then his landlady started yelling at the both of them like it was there fault. What the hell. He pays $750 a month. His roomate's an ass too. A paralegal. The guy is out of control. A real gem. A peach. Sometimes they share a laugh but most of the time they just resent each other.

Look at me, airing the Human monster's business all over the place. i live by myself so i don't have much to compalin about. or rather the only things I have to complain about are things that are my fault and I don't feel like delving to negative introspection after I spent all night trying to find that kid with that thing. He was in a cave upstate. We had to go all the way upstate. Well, not all the way. but it was outside the city. I'm not used to that. i'm used to everything being off of Broadway. But not this kid. What was that thing anyway? it was green and it glowed. Scared the crap out of me. We got it away from him. i'm still not sure how it happened. it was just one of those moments. one of those magic moments. The Human Monster and I were just talking to the kid and he kind of gave it up. Nothing really exciting. Just a lot of talking. A lot of people don't realize that we super heroes actually talk to people. it's not all zapping and throwing punches and running up walls. These are real people out there.

I sure am babbling today. Well that's enough, Eat it up, Internet. Eat it up.

Work

2004-12-23T18:13:00.000-08:00

There's this woman at work who smells like a weird plant. it makes me want to throw up. I hope she doesn't have super powers and is some evil plant lady or something. She's crazy enough just as a middle management lackey.

Wishes

2004-12-23T01:14:00.000-08:00

I'd like to wish all my faithful readers a happy and healthy holiday. I will be sepnding the holiday with my family and my family's television. They have cable. And lots of it.

I tried to go Christmas shopping today. At H&M, you know who was ahead of me, Professor Hell. I hate that guy. He had five ties in his hand. He was going to pay for them. The whole time I was like "that can't be Professor Hell, he's waiting in line to pay, he should just be stealing the stuff." I have no idea who he was buying ties for. Probably himself. Greedy bum. I couldn't do anything because I didn't want to blow my identity. I know, I know, it was lame. But was I supposed to do? Say "you're under arrest?" I'm not a cop. Can you belive those guys only make around 35K in NYC? Now, that's a crime.

Christmas in Washington

2004-12-15T20:10:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting watching "Christmas in Washington." It's being hosted by Dr Phil. Who is this idiot. I bet he's loaded. i can tell he doesn't feel comfortable with his body. I will hold on to that. I am a super hero. I have muscles and stuff. HA! Take that you charlatan.

The crowd just applauded that Bush was having a second term. That's like the crowd applauding "you all ate bad tuna for lunch."

Oh my god, the music is terrible. Professor Hell could sing better than these people.

I need to make plans for the weekend. A date or something.

Michael McDonald

2004-12-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about how Michael McDonlad has more money than I do. he sings bad music. I posses the power lightning and save the world (and have the time I spend saving the world deducted from my temp time sheet).

Michael McDonald is a fat man with a beard. Give me money,

Van

2004-12-15T19:59:00.000-08:00

I got hit by a van today. Don't worry I'm fine. But damn. Professor Hell better watch himself.

Professor Hell. My super villains have the worst names. He calls himself that because he claims that he can summon up the underworld and unleash hellfire. If that's the case, what's he doing driving around a damn van? Chump.

I have never been a fan of Michael McDonald's music. I think he's a Republican lackey.

Supper

2004-12-14T14:54:00.000-08:00

Check this out. Today I'm just getting up to leave for lunch and I spill coffee all over my new white khakis. Brand new. It made me furious. I starting sparking up a little bit. Like sparks started shooting from my head. Not too bad. But it wasn't very subtle. And everyone's starring at me. Everyone in the stupid office cubicle corner. And stupid Douglas points at me and goes "What the hell?" And I go "Douglas, shut up! I just spilled fuckin' coffee on my new pants."

My boss heard me and we had one of those "i'm concerned about your choice of words in the office" discussions. I was like, you know what. this job don't even pay the bills. It ain't cheap being Kid Lightning. I wish it were but it ain't.

The Human Monster IM'd me all day at work today, telling me what a babe Rock Girl is. He's a sucker for any women with boots and in this business... they ALL wear boots. Even the bad ones. That's what gets me in trouble. I would just go to bed now but my apartment smells like a damn sock.

ugh

2004-12-13T22:22:00.000-08:00

It took me an hour to get home from The Human Monster's apartment in Queens. And I just got an instant message from my contact in the NYPD. Some nutcase just... I don't even want to talk about. I have to get my dinky little super hero suit on and go do some charity work.

I hate this job.

Pasta

2004-12-08T20:32:00.000-08:00

I got like 6 minutes left on the pasta to bol. Man, my apartment's small. I was in the Lower East Village tonight for social visit (for once!). No mad scientists, no alien invaders, no garbage, just a nice night out.

I didn't make a move though I was too shy. I would have though if I had a little confidence in where I was coming from. I thought about asking her if she wanted to check out my place but couldn't think of a way to ask without sounding sleazy. i was also paranoid about riding the train with her for a hundred blocks, like we'd run out of stuff to talk about. It seemed like there was a 70% chance that we'd have another date.

I was thinking about getting a superhero base, you know a lair. But I don't know how to go about that. I think I need to find an abandonned underground subway station. I'd hate to have to rent office space. Whatever though, anyplace would be better than this dump. If I had a lair I could bring that chick back to it and she'd be all over me because it would be so cool. I bet The Human Monster would go in on a lair with me. He loves that crap.

Just Got Home

2004-12-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

I just got home. Really bad day. First it was Fractula. Then when I was walking home I stepped in a thing off dog turd. I zapped it right off my shoe. Some old lady saw it and started screaming about "the Lord." It's just super powers, lady. Just super powers.

I need something warm to eat but am too lazy (and too poor) for take out. At least I can watch some Jeopardy without Ken Jennings ruining it.

Oh great. I just got an IM from my source in the NYPD. Dr. Crook just busted out of Ryker's. I gotta zap out of here. I hope I can catch this fool before Seinfeld.

Lazy

2004-12-02T11:48:00.000-08:00

I had to go to the bathroom but I didn't feel like walking. So I zapped myself there. I scared some dude in stall three half to death.

I got payed yesterday. The whole check went to my rent. I moan and moan about my rent but you know what, I refuse to live in Astoria. The Human Monster lives out there. He says he can get anywhere in the city in 15 minutes. But have you ever riden the N train 3 am after spending all day rescuing some babe being dangled over the Empire State Building. No thank you.

The Human Monster's a nice guy and all. But he kind of lives on the cheap. He referred me to a dentist once. Hurt like hell.

I Hate Thursdays

2004-12-02T11:42:00.000-08:00

I got an email from my source within the NYPD that Fractula had hijacked an armored car on Broadway. So, naturally I had to use my lunch hour to clean up that mess. I hate Fractula. I hate his love affair with armored cars. I hate his stupid name. I hate him. "Fractula" It's a play on the word "fractal" in case you gave a shit. Mad scientists are the worst. They yap and yap and yap then blow some shit up. And they suck up my lunch hour. I was fifteen minutes late back to work. I had to make up some excuse about leaving my keys at Starbucks. I need to get a new temp agency. They have me at an ad agency making fucking pivot tables. I fucking hate pivot tables.

I was talking to Atomic Girl. She told how much she makes in a year, I almost crapped my pants.

Great my boss, just walked by and saw me typing in my blog. She gave me a look. I gave her a look back. My secret identity's probably blown, but screw it. I only have around $600 in the bank anyway.